Ren Barnebey, MFT
Relational, Experiential Psychotherapy
If you are looking at this page, then I imagine something isn't feeling right in your relationship.
Perhaps you and your mate are locked into a cycle of conflict, having the same fight again and again. Perhaps you are being shut out of your partners life, feeling alone and frustrated. Perhaps sex has become an area of difficulty.
Some partners feel that no matter what they do, their partner is never satisfied with them and end up walking on eggshells to avoid further conflict. Other couples, after so much hurt and distance, end up more like roommates, living parallel lives with no intimacy or passion.
All of these patterns of distress are predictable and understandable responses! When we don't feel safely and securely attached to our partners, we humans generally do one of two things. We get BIGGER and pursue our partner (plead, blame, criticize, attack) or we get SMALLER (shut down, avoid, numb out, defend). And guess what? If we do one, our partner most likely does the other!
"There is help for you two.
relationships get better all the time.
Give me a call, and together we'll get you back on track."
These ways of coping with distress can lead us into a terrible "dance" with our partner, a repetitive cycle of disconnection that leaves us both hurting and lonely.
What I do in couples therapy is to help you identify the pattern that you're locked in, so that you can identify it when it's happening and learn how to reach for your partner in ways that don't further damage the relationship, and get you back to the safety, passion and connection you've been longing for.